Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
