her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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