I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
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