whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
