whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
