Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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