"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
