I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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