did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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