He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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