Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
