You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
