goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
