The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
