I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize