This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
