i love accidental penises.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
