i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
