you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
