yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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