She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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