he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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