I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you traded sex for a burrito?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
