You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
