He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
