I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
