i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize