I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The ass gains better be worth it
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