had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
