so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
