if i can run in heels then i can drive
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
