I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
