Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
