you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
