Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The struggles of a small town man whore
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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