I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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