Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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