lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
