thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
