So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
