one might say we're banned from that church
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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