We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
