You just made me feel so damn special
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
