it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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