If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
