that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
