Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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