Whod you bang
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
