Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
