I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
