so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
