Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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