Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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