eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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