There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
