So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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