Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
