so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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