so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dicks are not precious.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
