My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
