I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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