I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
