i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
