This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize