Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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