I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I love having hate sex.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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