Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
