I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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