So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
