We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
