I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
